HR Magazine

Here's a good one. I have sent out countless amounts of speculative emails, then lo-and-behold, I got a reply to one (a digital print/design company close to Barbican) offering me an interview. Cripes! However, the invitation was for an advertised role that I hadn't applied for, so I assumed a mistake had been made and I decided come clean, although I was sorely tempted to blag it. Then it got exciting; I was informed by the company contact (woman) that the person recruiting (man) would still like to meet me as he was impressed with my CV, the company is growing and it's possible there could be something for me. Oooh, er! At the meeting (wasn't called an interview, I'll have you know!) I was told there is currently someone doing the job he has in-mind for me (production manager), but this person wants to change roles and the company wants it to happen. This role-change had been mooted a few months ago but was shelved for no good reason, but my letter prompted them back in to action. The meeting went very well: I have the necessary experience, I was able to present him with two written references and I felt there was good interaction between us. I was over the moon, Brian! Aaaaah, I hear you cry - here we go again. You're right, it came to nothing. After some chasing from me and avoidance from them, the woman finally got back to me with a: "you are not being invited back for a second interview" (note it is no longer referred to as a 'meeting'). That was it, without a reason. I requested feedback as I felt this was pretty damn poor. This is what I wrote on the third time (that's right, THE THIRD TIME): "It is standard practice to provide a reason for not offering a job, more so after an interview. It is important to the person interviewed to know why as it can be helpful. I have now twice requested feedback from you and still nothing. I am more interested than usual on this occasion to know why due to the slightly unusual circumstances that resulted in the interview: a speculative letter from me; the role, to my knowledge, hadn't been advertised as my letter appears to have prompted you; I have the experience; and I provided references to support this. You can surely understand why I would like feedback. Please excuse any bluntness in this email, but when you are in my situation, which isn't pleasant, it's very easy to become cynical and irritable". This did the trick and two days later the man replied. Apparently, the reshuffle isn't now going to happen. That was it, without further explanation, so yet again I have had my time wasted. Is it me? Am I useless? I have the experience, I have good references, I'm presentable and reasonably intelligent - so what gives? Surely someone wants to give me a break?

After the initial flurry of activity and promises from recruitment agents, it is now all quiet on the agent front. I appreciate that there isn't great deal about, but I'm still getting the usual poor service when I do make contact. I saw an ideal role for me on the website of an agent I hadn't previously contacted, so I promptly did. In the letter I sent (via email of course; I'm 21st century kinda guy!) I asked for a reply so I know where I stand. I don't think I need to say any more, do I? Even after follow-up emails and a phone call (not put through, naturally). I also sent emails to about 10 agents that I have been dealing with to ask if there is anything, plus it reminds them of me, and half didn't reply. I understand an agent isn't sitting twiddling thumbs waiting on my call, but surely to click on the reply button with a short note isn't too time consuming and is the courteous thing to do. I have now entered the third month (officially second as I had a month's notice) of not working and I'm beginning to run out of steam. The early days of being positive, mainly due to agents making promises they have been unable and incapable of meeting, is now a distant memory. I am finding it difficult to motivate myself to trawl through website after website knowing that if I come across something, the likelihood is I'll be ignored. Is that a Talking Heads song I hear..."I'm on the road to nowhere..."

When I see a job advertised in my game that I feel I could do (transferable skills!), I will go for it. When I send speculative letters to companies I state I am looking for something 'suitable'. The cunning plan being that I am open minded and happy to move into another area, albeit, related. This leads neatly to my next foray into the job market. I may have already mentioned in an earlier despatch from the front line that I am not only targeting my industry for the elusive job. One such application was for shop work. Christmas is on the horizon and seasonal staff are always required. I decided on music as it's an area I am keen on. I can bore for England on the subject of David Bowie. So, I went on the website of a famous high street chain and completed the online application. The questions on the form assume previous retail experience as they are all loaded in that direction. I did my best with the questions and unsurprisingly I wasn't accepted. With all due respect to shop staff, I do feel I have the capabilities to serve a customer or stack a shelf. I have client-facing experience in my industry and am able to communicate reasonably well. Unfortunately, the application process doesn't allow for me to fully explain this as it's a template. If I were able to speak to a person or send a detailed letter, maybe I would be viewed differently. Just another disappointment on the road to employment.

Ahhhhhhhh, the joys of the job centre. I am now officially a job seeker and have been advised on how to find work. Apparently, the best way is to look in newspapers, magazines and on websites. I’ll have to try that. The jolly old job centre people have minimum requirements that I have to record and present to them when I sign-on as proof of my job hunting, otherwise my benefits can be stopped. There’s an odd belief that I wouldn’t look for work without this big stick because I get so much money that I can afford to do bugger-all. The delusion is shocking but not surprising. The best one was the necessity to visit at least one employer every fortnight. Is this an interview or me cold-calling? I can't guarantee an interview as it's out of my control, and cold-calling: what for? Doesn't sending speculative emails constitute cold-calling? Anyway, when pressed for clarification, I got none! The job centre man wouldn't, or couldn't, explain. I was somewhat aghast, but again, not surprised. How do you get a job in a job centre? I don't see them advertised, but they manage to find people - but from where? Clearly it is not from the college of common sense. My job hunting is continuing at the same rate, but the market is not buoyant and I am now very worried. Coupled with a crap lodger, I am starting to feel very pessimistic.

I decided to become an official statistic and sign-on as a realisation struck me: I have been unemployed for almost two months without any income. It is now time I got some money from the system, after all, I’ve paid my taxes and now it’s time to get something back. I banged the table as I said that in a militant left-wing style! The process begins with a telephone call. I spoke to a man for about 40 minutes during which I provided information, seemingly, about my whole life. The biggest concern for the man from the dole office was how much money I have. The need to pay out as little as possible is obviously paramount. He even asked me if I had any cash lying around. Does he not realise that if I had a suitcase full of readies under my bed, he would be the last person I would tell. What a bloody stupid question. I flippantly said I probably had about £20 in my wallet. How little did I realise what an imbecile I was dealing with. The next stage is to go to a job centre for an interview. I was confronted with paperwork compiled from the telephone conversation for me to check for accuracy. In the section about savings, the dole man had mentioned the £20 in cash! The woman in the office was equally surprised and admitted to not having seen this before. However, she was now obliged to see evidence of this £20. Oh deary me. I told her I had spent it. She asked on what? At this point the hairs on my neck bristled and I could quite easily have got angry, but I chose to go for the sarcastic response and said "on living". She conceded. Stage three is to speak to an advisor who is going to advise me, as advisors do, on how to get a job. At this point I rubbed my hands together and chuckled: I can’t wait to find out where I’ve been going wrong over the past two months!