Man in a suit

February 2009 - Posts

This week's management hypothesis is a slight departure from current HR thinking. This week, this blog puts it to you not to believe that everyone is a talented individual wanting to unlock their potential. This blog asks you to change your mindset in light of the serious errors leading to the current financial crisis. This blog asks you to accept the notion that everyone, including this poster, is disastrously inept, incompetent and, occasionally, very, very stupid.  Previously called Human Error, this new theory 'Incompetency Management and Leveraging Ineptitude' (IMLI) explains the UK's corporate working culture in a far more insightful manner than anything previously proposed. IMLI now retails on this very blog at a bargain £245.99 (excluding £146 postage and packaging) and can help organisations accurately measure their performance and save them, let's say, oh, £4 billion? The immense frauds perpetuated by Madoff and Stanford on top of the stunning collapse of hitherto profitable banks and the ruin of the financial 'Masters of the Universe' has really only highlighted what most of us know already: No one in any position of authority or control is doing anything other than making it up as they go along. Using IMLI, we can see that those in middle management jobs are simply trying to cover up the number of mistakes made my those employees above and below them. IMLI also knows that the more junior echlons of the workforce would just rather be in the pub. Those we temporarily class as 'successful' are, according to IMLI, only so because their peers are more inept at their jobs and ill-informed than themselves. IMLI puts Inspector Clouseau at the heart of HR Management Theory.  With IMLI, there are no disappointments, there are no over-inflated financial targets. With IMLI there is just the simple understanding that human error will ultimately triumph while also ruining everything.

I was interested to read in HR Magazine that Tesco will not be paying staff who were unable to get to work due to the recent bad weather. I was equally interested to note that Tesco's made a profit of £2.7 billion in 2008.

First, there was a gem of idea on the Guardian's Comment is Free website and then there was the reality. The 'Atheist Bus Campaign', launched in 2008, has to date has raised £151,000 to pomote the wonderfully unsure slogan "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life". The campaign, spread via the internet and then via huge publicity, has pulled in a huge amount of small donations and encouraged copycat ideas the world over. Campaigns have sprung up in the US, Canada, Latin American, Italy, Spain and Australia. Unsuprisingly, it also generated a fair share of controversy and complaint. There was even the ludicrous situation of the UK's Advertising Standards Authority being asked to rule on the ad being misleading. Imagine that. An advertising regulator deciding if God exists. Succeeding where millenia of theological debate had failed. Even more unsuprisingly, the Italian campaign fell foul of God's representative on Earth, the Pope, who of course didn't share the doubt that Italian Humanists aimed to express. Who'd have though that, eh? Even so, its been a rather reassuring event for those of us who feel uneasy with the immense amount of influence that religious organisations have on public life and the mindless inter-faith conflict that our news bulletins so graphically show us.  So what has this to do with HR I hear you shout. Nothing, I reply. I've posted this because it’s nearly the weekend and I wanted to lure you away from the final hours of your working week. You may be ernestly staring at your computer, but your boss and I know that you're only pretending to be busy.   So, on a lighter note, please feel free to design your own bus slogan, here. Personally, I'm campaigning against the existence of the sky. I mean, it doesn't really do anything does it? 

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